In a Relationship Rut? 3 Things You Need to Know to Get Back into Gear

What happens when you're in a committed relationship and things suddenly get rocky? 

One day, you’re in love, and the next, your world is falling apart. You ask yourself, “Was I that oblivious to the problems in my relationship? Am I not trying hard enough?” 

Or, deep inside you just knew something was wrong. You didn’t know how, but there was an underlying worry that kept showing its face whenever things got tough. 

Whether you’re on the verge of, or freshly picking yourself up from, a breakup or divorce, you will regain a sense of understanding and peace of mind with these three points. 

Karen Shares Her Transformation

I've learned a lot after coaching over 100 high-achieving people who want to make an impact on the world. While they may initially come to me for different reasons, like for example feeling stuck in their career, my clients find that relationships come up as a top priority -- both how they relate to other people and also how they treat themselves. 

Today, I'm going to share Karen's story. She’s a journalist who recently found herself in a situation she never anticipated: 

"I had plummeted emotionally after a breakup with someone whom I'd been in a relationship with for years, and friends with for nearly two decades. I couldn't accept nor make sense of the forced separation and deep unentanglement that would have to take place afterwards.

I was a wreck. I couldn't eat or sleep and I experienced constant heightened anxiety, self-doubt and panic attacks. I had incredible support from friends near and far, but I needed something more. 

I wondered if having a purpose reading could somehow help me make better sense of myself and reclaim my me, my core."

Karen and I met and over a few hours, we discussed her purpose -- what it is, how it has manifested over time, how it related to her relationship, what blocks exist and what actions she can take.  

"The purpose reading with Julie resonated right from the start. Almost immediately, I burst into tears because the opening message was something that I'd internally been aware of since I was a child but hadn't exactly had the words to articulate nor the need to tease out and actively realize.

The reading infused me with a strong sense of honest hope."

After the session, I continued coaching Karen, helping her transition back to peace when moments got dark (because the mind chatter comes back!) and offering intuitive guidance to help her connect to her own self again. 

Once she understood her purpose, she was finally able to express herself fully. It's like when you first connect the wires to a new lamp, the light can flicker at first. But over time, it gets used to shining and the connection becomes secure, the light steady. 

“I felt bolder, and I felt more accepting of what was happening. I also felt things more intensely, including pain and loss, but I somehow understood that this was part of it all and part of my process of rightly grieving.

I started seeing signs, or sign posts (including one with a butterfly) that I was in the right place and that there was nowhere else that I could or should be. I started to embody my purpose in ways that I could and can viscerally feel." 

It’s been a few months since, and Karen is exploring what it’s like to express her purpose on a moment-to-moment basis. Aside from experiencing beautiful miracles and moments of joy that she writes to me about enthusiastically, she is on a journey of healing.

The more she is conscious of how her purpose shows up in her life, the more she is learning how to embrace life without judgment. 

So how does this help you to embrace your own relationships or breakups?

1. First, like Karen, know that sometimes things happen for a reason that you cannot even fathom right now. 

As Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

An argument or a breakup may seem like the end of the world or the end of all your dreams to get married, start a family, and spend the rest of your life with this person, but it's all going to be okay. And there's probably something really important that you learned that came out of the whole experience. 

When you know your purpose, the path leads to the kind of inner growth, beauty, and magic that only comes with a strong connection to your own self. You will see greener pastures. 

 

2. Your purpose is not just related to your career. It, in fact, directly impacts your relationships with others and with yourself. 

Knowing your purpose helps you understand what truly motivates you and what you have to live for. It helps you articulate what is missing in your life -- the absence of which affects your ability to be your true self. 

When you’re not being your true self, you feel an underlying tension that impacts your relationship with others. 

For example, if part of your purpose is to express your voice and share your story, and you have not done it to the level that your heart knows you can do, then the underlying tension of not being fully self-expressed causes frustration and stress. You lash out or get snappy at work or blame your significant other for your unhappiness, but it ultimately has to do with your own, sometimes unconscious, choices. 

I’ve seen many clients who, after consciously knowing their purpose or the purpose of their significant other, finally “get" it on a deeper level. They embrace quirks that normally would have caused frustration, and see how two people were meant to learn something from each other. They understand the role they played and are able to accept, as Karen did, what the present moment is. 

So, if you find yourself in relationship patterns or stuck in a rut, it might actually have to do with knowing and expressing your own true self. 

 

3. Your ego mind will try to convince you that you are not worthy of love. When you live your purpose, you naturally exude passion. 

After a breakup, people are quick to judge themselves. Don't let your own ego chatter convince you that you will never meet another person or that you can't be loved. 

When you are expressing your purpose and not paying attention to your ego mind chatter, you actually are in a positive state of mind to take new actions and see the possibilities around you. You become more open-hearted, leading you to creative ways to rekindle an existing relationship or discover a new one that is aligned with wonder and unconditional love. 

Many of my clients find themselves meeting new people -- romantic or otherwise -- that they never expected or imagined existed. They feel called to create a profile on a certain dating platform. They decide to attend a friend’s party when normally they would have stayed home. They reconnect with themselves and finally prioritize doing the things they are passionate about. They even manifest their ideal relationship.

So, when the ego chatter strikes, remember to let your true self shine. Allow yourself to be relaxed, excited and spontaneous. Otherwise, the people you are meant to meet cannot find you in the dark.

***

Are you ready to discover how knowing your purpose can clear the heartache and give you peace of mind?

Learn more about the “Discover Your Purpose” session and get back into gear with a conscious heart, a sense of purpose, and a connection back to your true self. 

Let’s start a new chapter.

If this blog post resonated with you, let me know! I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.